This will be an emotional post for me. I have fought a food addiction for most of my life, and nearly all of my adult life. Those of us who have struggled with our weight (I have lost the same 30-40 lbs numerous times) for many years are in chains. This group will, God willing, help us to toss those chains into the sea of God's love and forgiveness.
I have a mighty good metabolism, but have still been overweight. I never made it to outright morbid obesity, though I have plenty of ridiculous binges. The fact that my super-good metabolism was over-ridden by my calorie intake to get me to the overweight point again and again lets me know that I have had far, far more than the number of daily calories I should have had on many, many, many occasions. I did not need for my weight to signal that to me. I have cried so many bitter tears in the wake of a Haagen Das overkill episode. "Fat girls DO cry," I would sing, literally out loud, to the tune of "Big Girls Don't Cry."
Tears have slid down my cheeks as I parked myself in a sea of Fruit Roll-Up wrappers, the empty box beside me, my computer on my lap. I have started a new diet daily for many, many years on end. I wish I had a dollar for every time that I have said "Tomorrow is a new day," just before digging into a cheese pizza.
Recently I lost a tremendous amount of weight due to extreme anxiety. This was a first for me. I was elated by this unexpected side effect to such a grievous set of circumstances and set my resolve to hang onto the weight loss, this time for good. I threw away all clothes over a certain size. While I certainly rejoice that I am emotionally healthy enough to gain weight again, I am very upset that my remaining clothes are TIGHT a mere six months down the road.
I have become so obsessed and so desperate that I even considered taking laxatives a couple of times recently. That was a first for me. Thankfully, I knew that to do so would mean succumbing to an eating disorder which may prove more burdensome that being overweight ever has. I did not take them. Instead, I ran to the pizzas, the brownies, the cookies and the chips. I drowned my sorrow over gaining weight in foods that will make me gain weight. I am firmly resolved not to buy any bigger clothes so, unless I want to run around in my husband's bathrobe, it's time for a sea change.
I have always thought that I might be able to help myself by helping others. So I'm going to chronicle my journey out of obsessive thinking about eating and not eating right here in this group. One thing I have always felt VERY strongly about is this: We who are struggling with our eating cannot begin to heal until we love ourselves fully at the size we find ourselves this VERY minute. We have to accept God's unconditional love for us, RIGHT NOW. Not when we get into that coveted size we think about all of the time. RIGHT NOW. He loves us fully and completely right now. We are beautiful in his eyes.
Second thing to consider: We will not only love ourselves at our current sizes, but we will be all done (dusts hands) with guilt. When we eat too much, we will repent, get up, dust ourselves off and go buy some new shoes. We will not look back for a minute. ALL (and that is EVERY single one of us who struggle with food addiction) of us carry heavy loads of shame about our eating. Time to drop that. Permanently. We will never get it all right all of the time. But we can, and will improve.
Next very salient point: Getting thinner is about becoming healthier so that we can do the job God made us for on this earth, and so that we can enjoy the glorious journey of life. Recently it occurred to me that I am drawing all of my energy from sugar and caffeine, rather than rest, exercise and good nutrition! I have a lot of living left to do. I want more energy to pack it all in! Are you with me??/
I have a mighty good metabolism, but have still been overweight. I never made it to outright morbid obesity, though I have plenty of ridiculous binges. The fact that my super-good metabolism was over-ridden by my calorie intake to get me to the overweight point again and again lets me know that I have had far, far more than the number of daily calories I should have had on many, many, many occasions. I did not need for my weight to signal that to me. I have cried so many bitter tears in the wake of a Haagen Das overkill episode. "Fat girls DO cry," I would sing, literally out loud, to the tune of "Big Girls Don't Cry."
Tears have slid down my cheeks as I parked myself in a sea of Fruit Roll-Up wrappers, the empty box beside me, my computer on my lap. I have started a new diet daily for many, many years on end. I wish I had a dollar for every time that I have said "Tomorrow is a new day," just before digging into a cheese pizza.
Recently I lost a tremendous amount of weight due to extreme anxiety. This was a first for me. I was elated by this unexpected side effect to such a grievous set of circumstances and set my resolve to hang onto the weight loss, this time for good. I threw away all clothes over a certain size. While I certainly rejoice that I am emotionally healthy enough to gain weight again, I am very upset that my remaining clothes are TIGHT a mere six months down the road.
I have become so obsessed and so desperate that I even considered taking laxatives a couple of times recently. That was a first for me. Thankfully, I knew that to do so would mean succumbing to an eating disorder which may prove more burdensome that being overweight ever has. I did not take them. Instead, I ran to the pizzas, the brownies, the cookies and the chips. I drowned my sorrow over gaining weight in foods that will make me gain weight. I am firmly resolved not to buy any bigger clothes so, unless I want to run around in my husband's bathrobe, it's time for a sea change.
I have always thought that I might be able to help myself by helping others. So I'm going to chronicle my journey out of obsessive thinking about eating and not eating right here in this group. One thing I have always felt VERY strongly about is this: We who are struggling with our eating cannot begin to heal until we love ourselves fully at the size we find ourselves this VERY minute. We have to accept God's unconditional love for us, RIGHT NOW. Not when we get into that coveted size we think about all of the time. RIGHT NOW. He loves us fully and completely right now. We are beautiful in his eyes.
Second thing to consider: We will not only love ourselves at our current sizes, but we will be all done (dusts hands) with guilt. When we eat too much, we will repent, get up, dust ourselves off and go buy some new shoes. We will not look back for a minute. ALL (and that is EVERY single one of us who struggle with food addiction) of us carry heavy loads of shame about our eating. Time to drop that. Permanently. We will never get it all right all of the time. But we can, and will improve.
Next very salient point: Getting thinner is about becoming healthier so that we can do the job God made us for on this earth, and so that we can enjoy the glorious journey of life. Recently it occurred to me that I am drawing all of my energy from sugar and caffeine, rather than rest, exercise and good nutrition! I have a lot of living left to do. I want more energy to pack it all in! Are you with me??/
Been trying to post comment YOU CAN DO THIS blessed be
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